The Seddit Subthread of DSR401.

See dsr401.wordpress.com for the main journal.

Month: November, 2013

Soft and Nice: Qualities That Male (and Female) Bullies Can’t Resist

Someone who took a course in “picking up girls” mentioned that he has spoken to a few of the guys who took the course with him years ago. He complained that they are now “hard-edged” and had a “locker-room mentality” that was downright mean-spirited, in his words.

After writing a comment, I realized it wasn’t the typical sympathetic “me too” pat on the back, or feel-good chatter about finding “balance” or “passion”. Note that the “you” referred to below could be any “you” who you know in life, or you in particular. The ideas apply to everyone who has dealt with feeling excluded from a group — which is probably everyone on planet Earth, regardless of gender.

Possibilities:

A. “exclusionary stuff they got from others growing up”

B. “they think that you gotta be TOUGH to do this”

I’ve rarely met anyone who responds well to “emotional vulnerability”, male or female — particularly when there’s nothing to be gained from listening to someone being “vulnerable” at you.

Learn to express yourself in ways that don’t make you seem “angry/haughty”, and also don’t leave you open to the “locker-room meanness” that you’re complaining about.

Honestly, it sounds like you’re whining about how other guys aren’t being nice enough to you. Don’t expect anyone aside from your family (if you’re lucky) to be “nice” to you just because you choose to be “vulnerable” to them.

Who told you that it was anyone’s responsibility to be soft and nice to you?

I’m honestly curious, because that world doesn’t seem to exist aside from in the minds of people who desperately want to feel special. The irony there is that everyone believes they’re special, and that means that very few people have any time left to care about anyone but themselves. Then they get their special feelings hurt and become angry and haughty, and try to “pass it on” to the next person.

Realize that learning how not to see yourself as a soft little victim of those mean locker-room boys isn’t just useful in pick-up (note: women can and will be more cruel to you than men ever could). Learning to communicate using the requisite qualities for the specific situation (softness, toughness, and whatever else in between) is a skill that you will need to navigate _life_ effectively.

This is both your problem and your opportunity. Stop whining and start learning.

P.S. There are times when others may commit acts of emotional abuse against you. Women will often do this as a form of punishment — especially if you’re not projecting the “alpha” qualities that she may believe are necessary in a man (beliefs that often arise as a result of her own arbitrary social conditioning). In fact, much of the so-called “inner game” of seduction is obsessively preoccupied with that “Be Alpha” fantasy.

You may be dealing with relatively new “pickup artist” guys who are still trying to sort out what that means, and how to integrate the appearance of being the “Alpha ape” into their previously “Beta” personalities. If you feel like someone is truly trying to victimize you, either fight back or leave.

There are times when we actually may be victimized; that is, helpless to stop abuses being committed against us in the moment due to lack of skills, being outnumbered, or being psychologically unprepared. No single human being is infinitely or indomitably strong.

I don’t want to trivialize the word “victim” under some blustery idea of “acting like a man”. In the social sphere, however, you’re the only one who will care enough to stand up for yourself — or exit and find a new group or partner. The first step in changing your outcome is to become aware that you have a choice, whether you’re dealing with men whose respect you want to earn or women whom you seek to share a mutual experience of love.

New Cold War: The Modern Female as Sexual Mercenary

In response to the recent New York Times article, A Cold War Fought by Women:

I’ve been writing about this same set of ideas in various blogs for a couple of years.

If you ignore what women say to you, you’ll realize that it’s obvious: women have no shortage of potential sex partners (even ugly, short, older, fat, etc. women); women are consummately skilled in social and sexual manipulation (see women’s magazines and the entirety of female-centric popular culture); and men care far less about women’s fashion/appearance than women do (hence, the makeup, clothing, etc. are actually competitive devices that women use against each other).

From the article:

The old doubts about female competitiveness derived partly from an evolutionary analysis of the reproductive odds in ancient polygynous societies in which some men were left single because dominant males had multiple wives. So men had to compete to have a chance of reproducing, whereas virtually all women were assured of it.

But even in those societies, women were not passive trophies for victorious males. They had their own incentives to compete with one another for more desirable partners and more resources for their children. And now that most people live in monogamous societies, most women face the same odds as men. In fact, they face tougher odds in some places, like the many college campuses with more women than men.

Translation: women have no problem getting sex, and never have. The problem women have is conflict against other women for the best sex partners, also known as sexual competition, which is the basis of this entry (continue reading below).

All the nonsense about women being “victims” of the “lustful and denigrating male gaze” is both a lie (women love sex, too) and a great way to shame men — in much the same way that women shame their female competitors, as mentioned in the article. Women dress in a sexy way in order to get sexual attention from men, to help them “win” the mating game against other women, and to signal their social status (weaker females will be bullied into submission by more socially powerful females).

One way to think of this is to recognize that most heterosexual men really couldn’t care less about what a woman is wearing. The whole “makeup-and-costume” game is purely for show — for women and by women, against other women. Everything else is just a manifestation of what I call “girl game” (slut-shaming, forming strategic friendships and alliances, ostracizing and bullying those who represent a potential status threat, emotionally abusive behavior against anyone who doesn’t conform to social pressure, etc.) — which is then turned against men when the time comes to find a mate. If it works, there’s no need to change it: emotional manipulation is stunningly effective precisely because it defies logic, motivates behavior, and cuts faster, harder and deeper than conscious thought.

The most valuable part of the article is the set of links that will show you more information. Read it and compare the ideas to your existing misconceptions about how women are “weak”, passive “victims”, “damsels in distress” who desperately need your love and approval, or whatever else might be giving you the notion that she is somehow not already gaming you in every moment that you two spend together. The reason that guys benefit from learning game is that the male version is essentially a reverse-engineered version of the exact same tactics that women are already using against men — which I also cover at length in the blog, with particular emphasis on online dating. The truly eye-opening part is that Girl Game is almost completely unconscious for most women. Women do it as a result of their social conditioning from puberty onward, so they often aren’t even aware of what they’re doing (you are also socially conditioned, which is part of what makes it so difficult to see your own mistakes). This is why women pretend to like Nice Guys and lie about being “non-judgmental”, among a catalogue of other falsehoods that I’m sure you’re all too familiar with if you’ve dealt with women for any length of time.

The presence of female-against-female (and against male) competition is everywhere once you learn to see it. And it will completely change your perspective about women in practically every conceivable way, making you less emotionally manipulable, more realistic in your thinking, more pragmatic in your approach, and also less cynical because you no longer have to buy into the “dark side” of the romantic fantasy. Women aren’t bad people, they’re just ordinary, narcissistic, egotistically self-absorbed human beings who have no particular need or desire to be altruistic toward you for any reason at all. Especially in the realm of sex/love in a modern society where social institutions have largely crumbled, women will act like sexual mercenaries far more often than not — which is what drives men to learn seduction (and also is the reason why women — and men who are still trapped in the grips of fake-feminist “woman empowering” Girl Game — try to shame guys for doing so). Read the article and consider its perspective; you might be surprised that it’s actually (un)common sense.